Musings From the First Week

I started this bread project because I needed a way to deal with some pent up anger and tension. I had prayed about this because I didn’t like the thought of 40 loaves and 40 days and me trying to keep up with and work at such a silly project. Read here for back-story. My husband, Sweetie Pie, suggested I blog about it. I had already considered this before he mentioned it. I just didn’t like hearing it come from someone else and to hear it out loud made me catch my breath, swallow hard and leave the room.  So, here we are, seven days into it. If you are reading this and you actually care about my spiritual application, then continue reading, otherwise, you can go check your Facebook page and do anything else you are avoiding doing because you are reading this.


Dear Bread Diary,

I don’t feel quite so angry or depressed anymore. I have attended three social occasions in the past week. Nothing major like a ball or gala, but, it is noteworthy, considering the past 4 months of depression. I actually felt social and like I could get dressed (out of the pj’s) and put a real smile on and visit with friends. One group was a group of women whom I have only met most recently. Another group was a bunch of moms of wee folk (babies and the under 10 crowd). And then meeting with one more gaggle of gals that have homeschooling in common.

I like the feel of warm bread dough in my hands. I like the kneading process. Push down and out. Turn dough one quarter turn. Fold. Push down and out. … On and on for about 10-15 minutes. Flouring hands as needed. I like the smell of yeast. I’m happy when the yeast mixture is happy. I can tell it’s happy when the mixture is bubbly and expanding. . I like the therapeutic aspect of the routine. I have to think outside of myself to prep the little room with heat, to boil some water, to read and re-read the recipe, to warm the water or milk to just the right temperature for the yeast, to prepare a floured surface and have a little greased bowl ready for the dough. The process distracts me from myself. It brings a little joy into my heart as I work it all out. Then, the whole fear sets in once the bread has risen or is done baking. I want to get passed this fear thing. I suppose bread-making is in one aspect like playing golf. You have to be relaxed and focused. There’s no room for fear or hesitancy. You can’t hold your breath while swinging. These little things will ruin your game. So, perhaps, we can apply that to life. Relax and focus. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Breathe. I’m still working on my golf game concerning those lessons. I’ll start applying those principles to making bread. Hopefully, I will begin to apply this to life once again. I feel emergent. Thank you, bread, for your help. I look forward to making 35 more loaves.

Sincerely,

Your New Friend m