Thursday, March 24, 2011

He Nudged Me

Day16 of the Lenten Journey finds me alive and well!

Since I've been attempting to deny my flesh of certain mindless indulgences or comforts I find myself inconsistent yet determined. My focus has been more on a physical level than a spiritual level; but didn't Jesus blend the physical with the spiritual when he fasted and journeyed through the desert for 40 days? Of course, He was led by the Holy Spirit.

Am I? Am I believer in Jesus? Do I believe in the filling of the Spirit when one accepts Jesus as their Saviour? Yes to both of those questions. So, when being led by Spirit, why do I tend to limit that to just an emotional experience? Actually, that nudging I had, to direct me towards the Lord before the Lenten season, was that not the Holy Spirit who indwells me? He nudged my intellect and my heart.  My Bible teaches that the Spirit always testifies to Jesus, the Son of God. It wouldn't have been the devil encouraging my heart to move towards Jesus. And believe me, it surely wasn't my flesh either! My flesh would NEVER desire anything that wasn't pleasurable and didn't bring immediate gratification. That's just the nature of the flesh.

So yes, indeed I was led by the Spirit into this 40 day journey in my desert of sorts. I'm still battling the fleshly desires on an ever constant basis. I'm trying to be conscientious of my mind, will and emotions, my fleshly desires and my spirit man, who so desperately needs to built up in Jesus. I am more aware of my desert surroundings. I'm also more discerning regarding needs, wants and desires. I feel I'm slowly awakening. There is a Spring-like quality that is happening inside of me. This short path of death and darkness that I have chosen is allowing light to shine and define some things in my life.

Following is a small list of physical victories and losses:
- I walked out of three various retail stores within the last week without purchasing a single thing my eye lusted after. I even put stuff back. It was a sad but good feeling at the time.
- I also confess that at other times, I did buy some stuff that I don't really need. I was lured by the $1 price tag.
- I'm making good on a vow I made to myself for the last 20 years. I told myself that when I turn 40, I'd get serious about exercising for health. Basically, I'd eat a whole lot more salads and veggies, less red meat and less dessert and exercise everyday. It won't be about "looking good", it will be for health. Granted, I'm in the days of small beginnings, but I BEGAN!
- I ate pizza, Cajun tots, homemade monkey bread (using Sid, my sourdough starter...he turned 1 year old on the 22nd) and had 1 pt. of Ruby beer.
- I ran 2.3 miles today. I've never enjoyed running. But today, I felt different about it; only after starting the run. That leads me to tomorrow's story.

Friday, March 18, 2011

a misspelled question

"Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the desert being being tempted for forty days by the devil."  Luke 4:1-2a 






I think it is very important to read in Luke 4 about Who lead Jesus into the desert. There is a clue in there as to Who helped Him speak the very Word to cause the devil to back down. I believe this Who is also key in our living our lives as Christ followers.  Jesus said all who believe in Him will be filled with the Holy Spirit.

I believe it is up to us to allow the Spirit to lead us. I think so many times, I see where God, through His Spirit would want to take me and if it looks uncomfortable or like there could be a "devil" there, then it must not be God or even Spirit-lead, so I actually end up denying the Spirit rather than the flesh. What would have happened had Jesus said "no" to the Spirit leading Him to the desert to be tempted by the devil?

Notice how Jesus didn't avoid the desert. I avoid.

I know you know what I'm talking about.
I'm specifically talking about not buying cookies.
Or making cookies.
Or having cookies anywhere in the proximity of where I live.
I'm talking about not having to listen to the little package of cookies call out my name from wherever they may be stashed. Avoidance. How easy it is. I am wondering if it really is me resisting the temptation or is it really me avoiding the test all together?

If I change one letter, in one word, in that verse in Luke 4, then the story of Jesus being lead by the Holy Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil would read like this: "Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the dessert being tempted for forty days by the devil." For you A+ spellers out there, I just changed a dry, arid place into a French bakery. Desert becomes dessert.



This is getting trivial in a light-hearted way about something seriously spiritual. So, thanks to the English language, we'll just change one word so we don't have to dwell on this any longer. "Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness being tempted for forty days by the devil."

There, that should remove any attempt at relevancy to my life. No need to dwell there. I'm so glad I avoided those questions.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Cookie


This chocolate cookie was a no-brainer temptation. What I mean is this: I was painting and while I was painting, the thought of the chocolate cookie came to mind, then I instantly recalled how good it tastes. It had been 2 hours since lunch and a little snackie would be good and tasty. So, I put my paint brush down, washed my hands and wandered into the kitchen. I popped open the lid and the fragrance of chocolate cookies wafted up to my nostrils. "Mmmmm", I thought. And then, an image of a glass of milk entered my mind. I poured a small glass of milk. I took a bite of the cookie. As soon I did, it occurred to me that I had just given into temptation. GASP! I finished the cookie. GASP! I stared at the small glass of milk. Cookies and milk go together like burgers and fries or pie and coffee. One without the other is sacrilege. So, I figured I had better take a photo of the culprits of my failure. (As you may or may not know, I'm on a mission for 40 days to resist temptation.) I grab another cookie (and smell that wonderful smell), I feel remorseful that a chocolate cookie is such an obvious temptation and yet, without even thinking, I was tempted and just gave in to it. INCONCEIVABLE! (you are now thinking about the Princess Bride, aren't you?) I set the cookie on a napkin and I position the milk beside it. I take several pictures of the offenders. I take a picture of the cookie, from different angles and lighting settings. (sigh) I scroll through my shots and delete the bad photos. I forward the good ones to my email. I got distracted by the dog wanting back inside. Mind you, this all happened in about 2 minutes. I let the dog back inside and see the cookie and milk. I pick up the cookie and mindlessly eat it. GASP! .........................FOOL! I DID IT AGAIN!!! How could I go through 2 minutes of realizing  MY depravity regarding the temptation of cookies just to do it AGAIN?!  INCONCEIVABLE!

The thing of it is, Jesus was going without food for 40 days in the desert and the devil came to Him and tempted Him to turn a stone into a loaf of bread. That was a temptation based on a legitimate need.

Cookies and milk?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It's Painfully Obvious

It's painfully obvious this resisting temptation thing for 40 days isn't going to work. At least on my own, it isn't going to work. Denying oneself and the lusts of this flesh just doesn't come easy. Jesus tells us if we are going to follow Him then we are to pick up our cross daily, we need to deny ourselves. Why would anyone want to do this? This will be 40 days of dying. Why?

This isn't going to make me holy. This isn't going to get me into Heaven. This isn't going to earn me any points with God. Why should I bother?

Why should I feel so compelled to prepare my heart for Resurrection Sunday, the day Jesus conquered death? It's amazing how I am already fighting against this inclination to "deny oneself". Quite frankly, I am comfortable right where I'm at. Or perhaps not just comfortable, but complacent.

....No, not complacent; because I still believe there is more to this Jesus than I've known for the last 27 years of walking with Him. There is something in me that needs to die in order for new life to emerge. I'm not sure what that is, or what it looks like, but I'm going to commit to this 40 day thing.  I have a feeling that my failing on this human level is actually succeeding on some small spiritual level.

It's going to be painful, obviously.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Another 40 Day Project

I'm not Catholic. I've never "done" Lent. However, this year, I am feeling compelled to prepare my heart for Resurrection Sunday (I prefer calling it what I celebrate; the resurrection of Jesus on the third day after His death.). Lent is a 40 day fast that is supposed to represent Jesus' 40 days in the desert overcoming the temptations by Satan. It's recorded in Luke 4.

I'm not fasting. I am on a mission. I am reading Luke 4 for 40 days. I am pondering this story. I am examining my own heart and ways.  I am thinking about Jesus being in a desert and the lack of comfortable living he endured. I am thinking about how the text clearly mentions that Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. I am thinking about the three recorded ways the devil tempted Jesus. I am thinking about how at the end of the temptation period, the devil departed from Him until an opportune time. I am thinking about how Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Holy Spirit and thus began His ministry.

I shall imagine what it would be like to live 40 days in the wilderness (in the area Jesus was in, it would be like living in Arizona). I don't know if He had a tent, a camel, and a 40 day ration of water. I don't know if he took any good scrolls to read. I don't know if he stayed out of the skin cancer inducing UV rays. I don't know if he traveled by night and slept by day. I don't know if he had memorized the constellations to know which direction he was going.

You see, if it were me going for 40 days into the wilderness (especially if I knew I would be fasting), I would pack my Jeep with all the Costco water bottles I could fit in it. I would have 5 vat-sized SPF 50 sunblock lotion bottles.  I would have my sunglasses, my sunhat, a good pair of hiking shoes, a box of matches, some camp fire wood, a topographical map or a TomTom GPS, a portable chair, some chewing gum, my iPod with car charger, good books and magazines, a camera with some good lenses, a couple of pencils, a pen and a journal.

I would definitely be ready to capture whatever God wanted to tell me be it a scene, a word or some lyric from a great song.  I would be quasi-comfortable...like camping, but with more of a spiritual intent. Right?

So here is what I'm thinking I'm going to do for the next 40 days (we don't count Sundays for some reason during the Lent season otherwise it would be 46 days), I'm going to try to overcome temptation. I know the difference between eating for sustaining my life and eating because I'm tempted (like the creme brulee on the dessert tray after I have already broken the law against gluttony). Or like when I'm tempted to run off to the store for something that I really don't need. There's so many things I can be tempted by. But the choice is up to me. I have the inconvenience of not being in a desert. Temptation is everywhere.

I'll blog each day about my triumphs and (most likely) failures. This is an attempt to realize my real, true need. Jesus. Because like I said, if I were going somewhere for 40 days, I would...