Prayer

O.K., so James asks me this morning, "What have you been praying for?". Not a hard question. One so many times asked by him as well as other people. But, this morning it caught me by surprise. It was difficult to answer. I really haven't been "praying for" anything. My prayers have been more like running commentary on my day and thoughts and ideas and sometimes a little request for help in dealing with two boys and their antics. Sometimes, I would get a prayer request to pray for someone else and of course, I would intercede for them.

I remember a time when it seemed the only time I talked to God was to ask for something. Of course, there would be the usual comments and the gratefulness for what He has done and all of that, and then at the end, I would tack on a request (or two...or more). I thought about that time and wondered if James or my friends would like it if that's how it always was with me and them. I'd talk for awhile, maybe give them an opportunity and then, at the end of the visit, I would ask a "favor" or make a request that they do something. Now, I know God is way more patient than that and He endures so much from me. But this morning, my heart actually ached a little for Him.

I realized that during my time these past couple of months of not really making any requests of God on my behalf, I have been feeling...well, let's just say I've been feeling what the enemy would like for me to believe..."not spiritual". However, from God's perspective, it probably felt more like relief. Like His little girl was actually a bit content and satisfied, perhaps more trusting of Him and not so...worried. I wonder if I had actually been a little more "spiritual" than the norm in respect to mine and God's relationship. That whole trust thing. That whole praying without ceasing. I don't suppose my conversation with God should be peppered with "would you", "could I", etc. to be considered prayer.

Prayer is just talking with God. Sometimes it's me talking "to" God. Sometimes, maybe it isn't saying anything at all? Sometimes, I've noticed this too, that spending time with Him is sort of like laying under an umbrella at a warm beach, and not saying a word...for days (James & I have done that together)There is a comfortable silence and a special kind of knowing just being together. No words. Free and random thoughts. Sometimes, people come to mind and we talk. No big requests for immediate action. Would I consider myself out of relationship? So, what have I been praying for? hmmm.... it's a little hazy here at the beach, with God.