I'm Waiting Here

That's right. I'm waiting.

People constantly ask me, "What are you going to do now?". This question is usually in response to them finding out James' employment status, which has a direct correlation to our circumstances/situation. Currently, James is once again, unemployed. That constant question is once again being asked. So what's my answer? I'm waiting. We are waiting.

It is very easy and sometimes gratifying to scramble around and work your mind into a lather trying to figure out the "what now". We are guilty of responding that way. Perhaps respond is too delicate a word to use. What I really mean is: react. We (me) typically react to things beyond our control. We (me) stay on the defensive and try our own strategies. We (me) try to figure it out and make our moves based on the circumstances. It's all I got to work with, right? Life keeps coming at me like the Steeler's Linebackers. Just a fast wall of large, mean, attack-hungry muscle with a mission to mow me over.

I currently feel beaten down. Discouraged. I want to give up. I'm a flattened pancake on the playing field. Send in the medics. Put me on a gurney. I'm an injured player. I've played this rough game for the last 6 years. It's been a close game; a riveting game. I'm done. I'm not strategizing. I'm not going to play with a limp. I'm going to lay here and wait.

The Bible talks about waiting on the Lord. "He who waits upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will walk and not grow weary." "He who waits on the Lord will rise up on wings of Eagles". "Be still and know that I am God". "I will make a way for you, I will make streams in the desert places". The God I believe in, that I am supposed to trust says, "I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you hope, not to harm you". This wounded warrior is going to wait on God. My plans have brought me enough harm. God has allowed it, but only to get me into His arms and to reveal His loving ways. Like a hurting child (and I am a child of God, as we all are, whether we know it or not), I will yell for my Daddy. God, my Daddy, promises to answer and come to all who call out for Him. Well, I'm laying here, in the rubble of this train-wreck life and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs because I REALLY HURT! I don't want to figure out anything. I want my Daddy! I want healing. And I'm not moving anywhere until He says.

I'm waiting. That's what I'm going to do now.